Finding smiles amid the slog

These past few weeks have been tough. My family has had a string of unexpected health problems and it’s taking a toll: we’re tired, we’re frustrated, we’re stressed. 

I considered not writing anything this week, having a valid excuse for breaking my weekly writing streak that’s been going strong since October, but I realized I wanted to write something. It’s unpolished, raw, and includes thoughts I don’t usually share as I prefer to look on the bright side or find kind, unexpected humor in difficult situations so that I don’t bring others down. But not tonight. 

I’m sleep deprived and just want a break but that doesn’t seem to be coming despite literally being on a two-week staycation. That’s just life I guess. Emergencies happen and for my family, it’s happening now, just as it has been for the past year. 

Sometimes I imagine myself as a landscape slowly changing over time, being chipped and reshaped by the winds and waters of worry and obligation. I can’t do anything about it except weather the storm and admire my new form. 

I find myself thinking, Why me? Why now? Why do I have to deal with this? But there is never really a “good” time to deal with problems. But actually being on a staycation is probably one of the better times to deal with them because then I don’t have to try and balance work on top of doctors appointments, emergency room visits, and so many phone calls with providers.

For the record, I’m fine, despite being tired and stressed, and everyone in my family is doing better at the moment. Despite the stress and unexpected nature of health problems, I’m learning how to find smiles amid the slog, like when I stole 15 minutes to sit outside in the sun and read a book. Or when we had a mini dance party to the Trolls Band Together soundtrack at dinner last night, enjoying the moment and being together.

This is life. This is my life. This is the season I’m in and, just as the weather, this too shall change… at least that’s what I tell myself.