The key to achieving a dream
What is the key to achieving a dream? I suppose you can’t really know until you start to explore the dream. At least that’s been my experience.
Over 6 years ago, my husband had a dream of being a streamer and content creator. He started doing it part-time and loved it. He dreamed of becoming so successful that it could replace his regular 9-to-5 job.
There were so many nights of us sitting on our porch, listening to the crickets chirp, talking about the “If onlys”:
If only I could stream more consistently.
If only I could stream during the day.
If only I could stream for longer hours.
If only we made more money.
If only we could drastically cut our expenses.
Then one day, an “if only” came knocking at our door. I had an opportunity to work part-time at a remote company, which turned our “if only” into an “it’s possible” because of the extra money in addition to my full-time job.
So we decided to make the exciting, terrifying, and risky decision for my husband to leave his office job to chase his dream.
Our decision was greeted with shock, skepticism, and some confusion from friends and family. Their reactions made sense and came from a place of care. But they were not dreaming with us so they weren’t always able to see the same potential we did. Understandably, they mainly saw the risks.
We’re almost 3 years into the full-time version of his dream and we both know we’re at a point of no return. We’re fully in this dream and we’re going to see it through… even if we’re both tired.
He works a full day steaming and doing content creation and then spends his nights doing the same thing. I work at my full-time job during the day and then spend my nights doing my part-time job. And I’ve added writing into the mix too. It can get exhausting.
The other day, while reading the book, The Only Wife by Peace Adzo Meroe, I read a sentence that stopped me mid-paragraph. I had to rest the book on my chest and sit with it for a moment:
“It wasn’t easy being the key to other people’s happiness, their victory, and their vindication.”
That line… it hit me hard. While I’m not the key to anyone’s vindication or victory, I do feel like the key to my husband’s happiness, or at least part of the key.
My husband had the dream of making a living through streaming but I’m paving the way to help him get there by working two jobs. I provide the financial stability so he can focus on trying to make his dream his reality.
He is the key to his own happiness, but I’m a notch in that key.
I’m playing just enough of a role in his dream that he wouldn’t be able to continue pursuing it if I stopped doing the part-time job on top of my full-time job. That’s a heavy burden to carry, just like his heavy burden of trying to “make it” so that all of our hard work isn’t for nothing.
Sometimes I have moments when the key feels too heavy:
Moments when I’m tired and don’t want to continue working after the kids go to bed.
Moments when I don’t want to brainstorm another creative workaround for a problem.
Moments when I don’t want to engage my brain in work at 10pm.
My husband has moments too like when he sees his viewer count drop and can’t explain why, or when he spends hours upon hours making a video that not many people watch.
That’s when we fully feel the burden of not being able to quit.
But, when I feel that burden, I eventually remember that those low, heavy points are in service of something: a dream.
This particular dream happens to be a long-term investment – something my husband was apparently well aware of and I may or may not have glossed over in my initial excitement to take the leap into our new future.
This long-term investment really is a rollercoaster of emotions. Sometimes I question whether I can sustain the momentum needed. Most of the time I’m proud that we decided to walk this path. And every now and then, I want to get off the ride.
That’s why I wrote this: to process my rollercoaster thoughts and reflect on where we started. I realized as I wrote this that my husband and I haven’t shared “if onlys” in a long time. Instead of sitting and dreaming, we’re now in the moment and doing.
We do still sit on our porch. And the crickets are still outside chirping.
Thank you for lending your thoughts and questions. And thanks to
who unknowingly helped me avoid a Live Laugh Love ending for this article.
Wow! What a bold piece. I felt the kinship and partnership of every couple who tries to support each other. It is a contract that is not often spoken about - this commitment to support one another's dreams. The sacrifice and the L O N G years. Based on a shared vision.
"I have moments when the key feels too heavy" ... almost broke me.
(PS beautiful dramatic porch with that gorgeous tree and lovely carpet!)
Haha thanks for the shoutout Brooke! Loved it.
Have you read Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert? It's a lovely, easy, inspiring read that might just give you all the feels you need right now. Your story made me think of it.