No one needed me

Two unexpected things happened this past weekend. The first was that my family had no plans for the entire weekend. Zero. Not a single thing on the calendar. This was unheard of, possibly as rare as Haley’s comet passing by. This meant we had nothing to do, nowhere to go, and all day to do it.

The second was that when I woke up Saturday morning, no one needed me.

My kids are early risers, and I mean early. We’re talking 6am. Every. Day. 

Usually, my mornings start with one of my kids waking me up to tell me they’re hungry. Hunger waits for no one so I quickly get out of bed and focus on feeding and dressing them before moving on to feeding and dressing myself.

But this morning, a miracle happened. I woke up and my son was occupying himself in his room without a mention that he was hungry and my daughter was still asleep. Unheard of. 

Recognizing this rare opportunity, I decided to steal a moment for myself. I walked as quietly as I could past both my kids’ rooms, made a cup of tea, grabbed my book, and went to the porch: my happy place.

My porch is my happy place

Our screened-in porch has surround sound: a low hum from the crickets and frogs chipping mixed in with melodies from singing songbirds. It also has a beautiful 180 degree view of the woods. And this particular mid-July morning was right after a big storm: overcast and 73 degrees. 

I sat on the couch with my dog curled up next to me and watched the birds fly to and from the feeder. I mindfully sipped my tea, relishing the warmth of the mug.

After a few centering sips, I considered how I wanted to spend my moments: reading or writing. I opted for both, giddy that so many elements aligned for this moment of peace, comfort, and songbirds.

I wrote the beginning of an article and then cracked open my book: Birding to Change the World by Trish O’Kane, a memoir about birding, social justice, and education. As I read about how birds sleep while flying by closing one eye, I saw a flutter out of the corner of my eye.

My son emerged from his room and was flitting about the house looking for me. I saw him cross the kitchen and go down to the front door, peeking to the patio to see if I was there. Then back upstairs to look in my bedroom again. I was nowhere to be found. He made his way back to the kitchen and saw me waving from the porch. He opened the slider, “She’s awake and I’m hungry.”

Now I was needed. I put my book down and walked inside, replacing my songbird surround sound with my daughter’s sweet but incessant morning mantra, “Hi momma. Momma. Momma. Momma. Hi.”

After breakfast, I sat back on the porch. This time I wasn’t alone, toys and chatter replacing the birds and the book. Happy to be needed and grateful that so many elements aligned for this unexpected moment of no stress, no to-dos, and nowhere to go.

Still my happy place but with more toys

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Thanks to

Karena

for the moments she spent giving me feedback on this and to

Emma Dorge

, the cutting queen.